July 17–26, 2002 — Music that reminds me of you

World Youth Day has arrived in Toronto, and Catholics wearing plastic WYD passes and single-strap backpacks with WYD logos are everywhere. They sing in malls and clap on the subway and smile a lot and for the most part look very happy. (Though I’ve heard nothing but complaints from my friends.)

This year’s turnout is apparently the worst it’s been for any WYD since the pope created them back in the eighties. This meant little to me, though, especially when singing and clapping was distracting me as I tried to psych myself up for my Gap interview.

I’d never been to a group interview before. Hell, I’d never really even been to an interview before — my Booster Juice one doesn’t really count since I had the job on Nathan’s word and on my willingness to wait around much later than I was supposed to because the streetcar carrying my soon-to-be employer was late.

Today’s interview was late starting, too, and I was asked by several Gap employees if they could help me as I stood in the bargain section looking awkward. I kept myself occupied by wondering how I should explain my attempt at finding gainful employment at the Gap to friends and family. Maybe I could say that I was trying to take the company down from the inside? It wasn’t true, but I was willing to lie. Or I could say it was for the discount. As much as I hate to admit it, the Gap does make nice boxer shorts, and I was never able to bring myself to ask my mom to stop buying them for me for Christmas so that I could have a truly Gap-free wardrobe.

The interview got off to a good start. They asked us to pick a celebrity of the opposite sex that we would like to be and to explain our choice, introducing ourselves in the process. I was the third boy to go, and the two before me both wanted to be Jennifer Lopez. I went with Beth Orton. I wasn’t sure that anyone would have heard of her, but the male interviewer (I suspect they have a policy that calls for always having one male and one female interviewer) immediately exclaimed, “Now I’ll have to change mine!” I felt a bit better about my chances after this, even if my love for Beth Orton doesn’t really say all that much about my employability.

After hearing the people I was being interviewed with talk, though, I realized that unless I had been thrown in with the least employable people from the current batch of group interviewees, I had a pretty good chance. Some people seemed to be making an effort to say the opposite of what a good retail employee would say (one girl went on about hating customers, for instance), and all the blatant sucking up to the Gap corporation got a bit stale.

We were told that if we didn’t hear from them in two weeks, we weren’t hired, and that it was very much a don’t-call-us-we’ll-call-you scenario because they would forget our names as soon as we left the room. Nonetheless, I still felt marginally better than I did after dropping off my résumé in the IKEA résumé shed...

Interviews aside, Alex has visited a few times and stayed the night twice since we broke up. We’re not doing a terribly good job of acting broken up, and there has been frequent talk of getting back together.

All of which ignores the fact that nothing has really changed since Alex broke up with me. If I were to say yes to getting back together, I would probably just end up hurting Alex more if and when something else happened that made it seem as though I was still pining for a girl that I haven’t really spoken to since the beginning of June.

So I just don’t know.

The worst of it came last night. It was one of those nights when it’s impossible not to feel alone no matter how many people are around you. I walked for almost two hours and then rode the subway for awhile. I went to Downsview Station because it’s still my favourite one, and then I took the subway and streetcar home.

I’m still very unsure of a lot of things. Alex and I are going to a movie with her friend Harmony on Monday, so I guess it’s possible that all this will make more sense by then. For now, though, I will have to remain at least a little bit confused.

Meanwhile, I’m going to Ottawa tomorrow. Cuff the Duke is playing a show in Ottawa that night, so I have a free drive to see my family and some friends. And to use the laser printer at my old work to print some button designs onto silver paper. The thought of silver buttons alone is enough to make the trip worthwhile.

Which means that I should start packing. 8:13 am train to Oshawa and all. Until next Friday. Hopefully?