December 3-4, 2000 — And the worst is yet to come

I really shouldn't be writing this journal right now. You've no idea how completely and utterly fucked I am for tomorrow. I have an exam in a course that I've skipped all the lectures for and I've yet to start studying. And I've a lab all afternoon tomorrow, so I can't study at all for it except for tonight. I've had a litre of a caffeinated beverage (that shall remain nameless to avoid any semblance of brand allegience on antigreg) in the hopes of staying awake. It hasn't really kicked in yet, but I've high hopes.

To review: I still have to finish my formal lab report, review the lab that I have to actually do tomorrow, and then write the mechanics test. The only possible saving point of all this is knowing that maybe, just maybe, I'll remember enough of OAC physics to carry me through the majority of the homework. But I wouldn't count on it. I don't plan on sleeping tonight. And I expect to be drinking a lot of cola at breakfast.

Ooh, my left leg is twitching uncontrollably. I haven't had this much caffeine in months and months, so this should last me through 'til morning without too much trouble.

Yesterday I got the Bran Van 3000 site (http://www.branvan3000.com) running, more or less. At around 4:00AM in the morning, Ian from Grand Royal emailed me to let me know that I could launch the initial phase of the site. I encourage you to visit and make note of how lame I sound in everything I wrote for the site. All of the copy is mine, and sometimes I just sort of... ran out of steam and couldn't do the whole professional-sounding thing anymore. This is why there's a link to Mark's Work Wearhouse in the links section and why the list of cities in the bio ends with, "and yes, even Senegal."

Gillian was supposed to have left today for a trip through the islands of Greece, so I didn't email her since I was up until almost 5:00AM working on school and Web site stuff that I had to finish. Little did I know she wouldn't be able to catch her bus, and that I'd look like quite the asshole when she checked her email in the afternoon.

I've decided it's about time that I stop whining about how worried I am about meeting Gillian, though. With everyone just trying to be reassuring, it's getting to the point that it'll seem like I'm just doing it for attention. And we wouldn't want that.

If I get my train tickets in time, I'll be arriving in Nova Scotia two weeks from today. There's something reassuring about that. My Christmas holidays are going to fly by at a frenzied pace, mind you: one day home, then Nova Scotia; back for one day at Christmas, then off to Peterborough; then back in Ottawa to work until it's time to go back to school. At least things'll be a lot calmer once I get back to school. I shouldn't have any tests or assignments to worry about for at least a couple of weeks in January. That'll be my finish-this-site-once-and-for-all period.

I think I'll post my lab report on antigreg once it's done. Just so you can all see how ridiculous my life is.

My current five-year plan: drop out of university for next year. Possibly return to the University of Toronto the year after next, possibly to take English instead of life sciences. Hopefully get a degree in something. Realize I've wasted the past five years and that my degree is worthless. Get job working customer support for a software company. Ponder suicide all day, every day without the inherent distraction found in friends, school, or family.

It'll be great.

My mind's feeling a bit foggy right now. And this journal's very much lacking in coherency. But at least I tried. No journal tomorrow night; I plan on sleeping from 7:15PM to 2:00PM the next day.

Jealous?