October 24-25, 2000 — Is one more minute going to kill you now?

My wrists are hurting very much right now, and I didn't type for very long today. I consider this to be a bad sign.

Speaking of life sucking: there was yesterday. I hadn't slept enough, I had a three-hour physics lab, a one-hour physics test, and Gillian arrived in Europe, meaning that while I could still whine about my day to her in an email, I'd have no expectation of hearing anything back, and whining's just not the same when you're not sure that someone's listening.

Actually, I don't find that I whine very much in emails to Gillian. But I needed a way to mention her in this journal without it seeming like a contrived attempt to please her after she pointed out her absence from Monday's journal. And that was my attempt. Pretty contrived, huh?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I have no fucking clue what was going on in that physics lab, and the physics test didn't go so well. Luckily, there was an At The Drive-In show to attend immediately after this extravaganza of physics-related pain, so not all was a lost.

I regret having gone to the concert short on sleep. I feel guilty for having yawned several times out of exhaustion when ATDI put on such a good show. I picked up a hoodie and a 7" on my way out, and life seemed a little bit better. It was nice to be distracted from the feelings of stupidity and loneliness that had been overwhelming earlier in the day.

I saw Caitlin (who I met at Queen's University minicourses) for the first time since May at the show, too. I had bought a ticket for her and was late showing up, making me feel all the more guilty. (A woman had been hit by a car and there was a bit of gawking going on, so we were behind schedule.) She seemed to enjoy the show, although I didn't actually speak with her much.

Insert sleep here.

I woke up at 10:00AM this morning and was very happy to find email from Gillian, who's now in England. I've never been all that far from home, so I'm trying to live vicariously as she travels. I feel strange for missing Gillian while she's in Europe even though I'm still hearing from her the same way that I did before she left. She's always been so far away that it shouldn't make a difference, but it seems that it does. I'd add something about the ridiculousness of online friends, but I'd be lying if I said that I had any regrets after having given up my boycott on talking to people online who I haven't met.

I only had one lecture today. I watched Gladiator and American Beauty afterword. Both showed me how much of a waste my life is, and all I'm doing about it is updating my journal. But I finished "TMNT: Turtles in Time" for Super Nintendo today on hard mode with no continues; that'll surely get a sense of meaning back into my life.

The most depressing part about American Beauty to me is at the end when Lester's explaining all of the things his last second that stretched on forever was comprised of. Watching the stars or his grandmother's hands or his wife and daughter. Meanwhile, I'm left with almost nineteen years of popular culture experiences driven by Nintendo and television, no current or past loves, and a bad Web site. If that last second does stretch on forever, it'll be a boring eternity that I'll be stuck with.

On a less melodramatic note, I'm trying to decide what to write about everyone for the cast page that I'm doing. I'm going to try to get a bunch of things added to anti-greg before the end of the weekend. It'll be fun. No graphics or layout changes, but more content to explain what's going on for people who don't know me. I can't hardly wait.