May 20-22, 2000 — The real world is never as easy

I really hate being home. I have to return to having more work to do than I can deal with and seldom doing anything enjoyable. The highlight of the weekend so far has been buying a second copy of Stardust by Neil Gaiman so I'd have something to read on the bus ride home (now I have a softcover version to trash in my back, as opposed to the hardcover one that I love to much to open again).

I can't find my old Blue Jays baseball cap that was the target of much mirth back in my junior high school days. This is problematic since I'd hoped to dress up like my awkward, 13-year-old self for my valedictorian speech and make an ass of myself. I might still wear my old Gagnier's Gremlins shirt, but it won't have quite the same effect. I might also get someone to write "Vote Jess" on my forehead in permanent marker, but we'll see.

I hooked my computer up to my mixer as a line in and can now mix vinyl and MP3s. But instead of doing this, I've been downloading punk music I used to like and listening to it at very loud volumes. Brilliant.

Meanwhile, I went to the rave with Andrew last night so he could take pictures. It was outdoors and it was fucking cold. I checked the temperature when I got home, and it said 3 degrees on the thermometer, which is insane. Andrew thinks he probably got some good picture though, and I hope we don't need to worry about them not having anything they can use for work.

I learned this afternoon that apparently some ravers got into a car accident on the way home from the party. Details are still pretty sketchy though, so I don't know what's going on. They were apparently from Orleans. I'm selfishly hoping that it's not someone I know...

It's strange, I don't feel that I'm at home at all even though I'm back in Richmond. It's so dark here and I don't feel comfortable wandering around like I did on the Queen's campus or like I do in downtown Ottawa.

I can't wait to go to university. The last few weeks of school are going to be extremely stressful as I continue trying to juggle school and work, but at least it'll all be over forever in late June. Then I'll have 2 months of just work followed by university (and no work for awhile), which will be delightful. I'm going to love university by comparison to my current state of living, but I still don't really want to go. It seems like a lot of time and energy and money to dedicate to questionable ends. Plus, I still can't decide on a university and am getting stressed out since I have to accept or decline by June 7th. I've narrowed it down to Carleton, University of Toronto, or McGill. And I don't know what I want.

I'm so tired.