May 16, 2000 — The cynicism continues

Today I appointed a control nerd (a person who sits alone and is generally awkward-looking in the same way that I was about two years ago) and have been watching his success in having people talk to him while he eats alone as compared to mine. I've currently had people sit with me or ask me to sit with them four out of five times that I've been eating alone in the cafeteria. I like it better back home where you can just take your food and leave. Damn knives and forks and plates. Fuck the environment, I want to take my food outside to better avoid people, give me non-biodegradeable forks and knives and plates by the dozen.

But I digress. So today I was invited over to a table by a group of girls after they saw me eating alone (I try to look very content and happy to be eating alone, I don't know what people think I ought to be eating with them), but at the end of the table they were sitting at, sitting closer to them than I originally was, sat our badly-mustached control nerd. I wanted to explode out of frustration. The world is so superficial it hurts.

In the meantime, I finished Microserfs today and cried at the end. My life is so empty it's sickening I have nothing but bitterness and cynicism left. I'll give it a few more years before I try for a change though, I think.

I was on IRC since I was bored and lonely for people I didn't hate and Kim told me that George Grey (Gray?) at school had said that I struck him as being weird. I was so proud, I think I was beaming for the rest of the evening. It was delightful. In talking with her I came up with the best plan for my valedictorian speech. It's never too late after selling out to start firebombing and to redeem yourself in the end.

Other notes on Queen's: my ear isn't much bleeding anymore. I'm happy about this. I figure I'll soak them in salt water tonight and hopefully be well on my way to recovery. I can't wait to get titanium bars in both of them. It would be nice to do the whole barcode tattoo thing too, but I think that will have to wait until the end of the summer. No matter how typical it is, I think I can do a better job of pulling off the political side of it than most of the people I keep hearing about having them.

I'm sitting in a crowded room writing this and for some reason I'm paranoid about people reading it over my shoulder, in spite of the fact that I'm publically posting it online for all to see. Hmm.

I've been listening to Saves The Day excessively since Sunday. I'm still in love with the song with the somewhat psycho title and lyrics that describe cutting off chunks of the thighs of superficial girls and carrying them around. Hmm indeed.

I'm trying to think of more insightful things to say, but it's not working all that well as there's so much noise behind me and my hands hurt and I'm not in a very insightful mood and I think school has taught me that without prewriting, I can't write at all anyways. Gosh.

Updates on the ongoing experiment into seeing whether or not the minicourse population is as full of superficial bastards as initial tests reveal will continue tomorrow. But then there's Scott who's watching me type this who I can't openly make fun of at the moment. But wait until tomorrow.

Actually, on a serious note, Scott's voice sounds exactly like Nathan's, so if I'm not looking when he's talking, I expect him to start discussing the grade 10s he wants to take to prom. Heh.